This is best with sound. I promise you won’t regret it.
I can’t believe my time has finally come. The day where I hang up my name tag, drive off from Keyauwee, and head out knowing that I’ll never again willingly eat another watermelon in 15 seconds or belly flop into a pool because that hurts oh so much. That last day came too fast and too soon. An unexpected and abrupt ending to the Farewell Tour I had in store with you from Los Angeles to Austin to Durham for what would have been the best summer full of laughter, smiles, and most importantly, magic. It was supposed to end in August, but it was over before it even began. But while I lament the loss of what could have been the best summer of my life, I look back and smile as I reflect on my time in Kesem and what it means to me.
Four years ago, I came across Kesem, but not in any spectacular fashion. I wasn’t chased down by counselors at the activities fair telling me to apply to be a part of this amazing summer camp. I wasn’t at the BBQ that we host every year in the Backyard with some of the best music and questionably cooked burgers and hotdogs (sorry grill masters but you know it’s true). I wasn’t even at the info session where the camp hype video is played and gets everyone fired up for camp before they even apply.
No. Four years ago, I remember sitting in the Edge at 2AM crying by myself as I struggled to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I was failing pretty much every class imaginable at that point and had absolutely no desire to continue on with what seemed to be a fruitless pursuit of unattainable success. As I made the eventual trek back to my dorm across campus (rip Southgate) I remember stumbling upon a flyer on one of the announcement boards. I don’t know what caught my eye, it wasn’t a particularly flashy flyer, plain white with a little green and blue here and there. But the words were clear, APPLY TO BE A CAMP KESEM COUNSELOR. In the back of my mind, I remember hearing one of my friends at Rice telling me about how she joined Camp Kesem and how it was one of the best things in her life. At the time, I only knew it had something to do with cancer and kids but I thought I might as well apply. I filled out the application form late that same night and sent it in with low expectations. I was probably going to get rejected.
But a few weeks later, there was good news. Congrats, you’ve been selected to interview with Kesem! I was cautiously optimistic at this point, I had performed subpar in all of my other interviews at Duke thus far and I doubted that this would be any different. One the day of the interview I showed up, nervous for what would happen. It was an utter and complete wreck. At one point they asked me to sing a song to which I said I simply cannot be cause there are too many words in Kanye’s songs that I can’t speak out loud. Instead I presented them with an “in-depth” analysis of why I liked the song and attempted to rap the only 10 seconds of the song that were clean. To Conch and Oyster, I’m so sorry you had to put up with me that day. I walked out of that room half an hour later, crushed. Yet another interview that I had bombed. So much for Kesem.
Two weeks later, I received the most amazing news. Congrats! Welcome to Camp Kesem! I couldn’t believe it. Why in the world was I selected? Who would have thought I would make a good counselor? These thoughts and so many more raced through my head as I read the email over and over again. It was good news and then just… so… many… deadlines. I had until December 2nd, just one short week, to make my decision. I didn’t reply until December 8th, the morning of the first meeting and yet they still took me in. To Splint, Quail, and Conch, thank you so much for putting up with my incredible inability to promptly meet deadlines. I showed up that night with Cabbage, not expecting a whole lot and honestly the whole process was so overwhelming as people were shouting random things left and right, giving out absurd names like Roll, Pretzel, and Cabbage. Then it was me. I walked out later that night with the name Splash, unsure if I would ever use it. I still didn’t get it.
The rest of the school year flew by and while I made an incredible two week fundraising push to meet my fundraising requirement by making and delivering homemade boba (I had an entire menu it was really something else), the week before camp rolled around and I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to commit. What’s a week of camp with a group of people that I barely know, with only one real friend (again thanks Cabbage) who wasn’t even in the same age group as me? I still don’t know how, but I somehow convinced myself to go. I will be forever thankful for that moment. Camp was truly something else and I honestly still can’t quite put it into words how I feel about it, so I hope that this project and the stories of so many others will help you see the light that I saw in that first week. Through the rainy nights, the half-cooked rolls, the watermelon eating contests, and everything in between, I don’t think I’ve ever laughed that hard or had that much fun in long time. The counselors were amazing and the campers even more so. In that one week, I felt like I had known everyone at Kesem for my entire life. It was truly life changing.
So I went back again and again. Each time, my heart grew for this organization and the people in it. Every year it was the same feeling of love and warmth but it was also different as I watched my campers grow into the fine young men they are today, thanks puberty. The counselors too were amazing, as I saw them as more than just co-counselors, but as real friends to whom I confide things in, who I could celebrate the best of times with and who I could fight through the lowest of lows with. Kesem had become more than just an organization, it had become my family. And to see how camp impacted these campers and my fellow counselors the same way time and time again, I knew that this magic was something that couldn’t be found anywhere else. And so in my last year, I made preparations for one final push with Kesem. I pushed back my start date for work as far as I could and made plans to do nationwide tour of Kesem as a photographer to capture as much of the magic as I could, to preserve these memories not only for me but for every other person involved. Everything was set, I had an entire list of camps who wanted me to come photograph and I was so excited for what was to come. Then it all came crashing down.
A nationwide cancellation of camp in these unprecedented times. I was crushed. All of my hard work and months of planning, wasted. But even though I won’t be at camp this year in what would have been the most emotional time as I would finally get to see my first campers age out, I know that Kesem doesn’t end here.
These past four years have been the most amazing years of my life. Coming to college, I would have never imagined that I would find such an incredible group of people whose love and passion are second to none. I’ve witnessed some of the most magical and transformative moments in this time and seen how the work that we’ve done has changed lives. I’ve made lifelong friends and memories that will carry on beyond my time at Duke. Kesem has so much of my heart and has helped me grow so much as a person. Kesem is one of the reasons why I became a photographer, giving me an outlet where I could capture the most beautiful and tender moments and share them with the world. Kesem is the reason why I have the most iconic dented white hydroflask with a Karl sticker that I slapped on at the very last day of camp that first year. Kesem is the reason why I am so passionate about service and about kids, it’s given me a chance to see the beauty in the everyday and has really changed my worldview. Kesem has given me friends who will follow me to the West Coast. Kesem has given me so much that I honestly don’t know how I can give back.
So I don’t know how I’ll be able to let Kesem go. And with letting go comes the question, What is you legacy? Thinking about that legacy, I wonder if I’ve even left one. But regardless of that, I’m confident that this next group of counselors at Duke will take Kesem to even greater heights, with or without me.
So to all of you new counselors who are riling to get into the thick of camp and to really see what Kesem is all about, be patient. Your time will come and you will enjoy every single moment of it, the good and the bad. It’s all worth it, I guarantee you.
To the returning counselors at Duke, thank you so much for being my home away from home, the family that I can constantly spam with random questions and the people that I can always trust to bring a smile to my face. You have impacted so many lives that you don’t even know and will continue to do so by just being present so keep doing what you’re doing.
To the campers who I doubt will ever find this, but if you do, hello! You all have grown up so much and I’m so lucky to have been able to share these few years of life at camp with you all. Each of you inspires me every single day and I can’t wait for how you’ll all continue to change the world. Remember that you’re never alone.
Finally, to the class of 2020, the one that I call my own: it’s been a wild ride from that very first day of camp when we didn’t know what the hell we were getting ourselves into up until now. I love each and every single one of you beyond words and you have no idea how much each one of you has impacted my life and the lives around you. Thank you for being there to celebrate and also to grieve. You will all forever be my family and my doors will always be wide open for you should you ever need a place to stay or a listening ear.
The Kesem Project has been my brain child for a while now and is all about finding the root of that Kesem magic and answering the question What is Kesem? For the longest time, I coudn’t find an answer. But now, I finally have one that I know is true. Kesem is FOREVER.
3x Watermelon Eating Champion (2016-2019)
April 30, 2020